I started this blog after much hemming and hawing about whether I could still consider myself a "serious" writer if I pasted it on the world of the wide web.
(I still have trouble thinking of things that happen on the internet as "real" - like meeting "people.")
Then I finally did it, and promptly lost my train of thought.
Until tonight, when a good old fashioned crappy musical performance came along to motivate me.
Thank goodness for shitty artists, they inspire us to say, "What the hell, I might as well write something. I can't be any worse than her, and people paid five bucks a head to hear this crap!"
Also, it was a good reminder of why I'm so wary of singer-songwriter types:
1. I get freaked out by people who call their band the so-and-so experience or so-and-so and the jug blues band or whatever. It's really self-absorbed to name the band after the lead singer. I mean, lead singers tend to be self-absorbed, which is why it's good to have a band to keep them in check and/or drown them out.
2. It seems like you'd have to be pretty self-obsessed and narcissistic to think that everyone just wants to hear you sing a million songs about yourself and your failed relationships.
(Hmm, I wonder why you have so many failed relationships to write about...)
3. I get kinda sick of hearing tragic love songs that glorify the doomed and unhealthy nature of your attraction. Especially when kids are like, 21. How many complicated, gut wrenching, long-term relationships have you really been in? I always imagine they're singing about a random hook-up that lasted a week. Then I giggle to myself.
4. One of the amazing things about musical performances is watching everyone work together to make a song happen. It's not easy, even if you're just playing shitty three-chord songs. So I have to wonder, Mr. Folk Singer, why don't you play with anyone else? Are you super hard to get along with? Can't handle sharing the stage?
5. If there's just one person in the band, I prefer it when they give themselves a name.
Examples: Cat Power, Lovers, The Mountain Goats, and The Blow.
This gives them a performance persona separate from who they are off-stage.
Also, this gives them cleverness points and says, "When I'm on stage, I'm more than one person even though I'm just one person. I'm greater than the sum of my parts."
I mean, if you can't even come up with a cute name for yourself, how good are you gonna be?
6. Why are you making those weird intense faces into the crowd? Do you think you're cute? You're not cute. Your lyrics are a bunch of cliches that have been said in better ways for 40 years before you came along and listened to Norah Jones.
7. And folk music that's all slick and overproduced is the worst! Aargh! So fucking generic sounding. If you really must make us all listen to your bad teenage poetry set to acoustic guitar, can it at least sound scratchy and lo-fi? You're not Belle & Sebastian; you don't need 24 tracks. You'd sound more authentic on a four-track recording made in a barn.
Please Note:
There are some important exceptions to my general dislike of singer songwriters. A few that come to mind right away are:
Billy Bragg
Mirah
Bill Fay
Nick Drake
Elliott Smith
Leonard Cohen
And don't even get me started on spoken word performances. I have fantasies of becoming violent in coffee houses on open mic night...
I really hope that this post doesn't piss off the person who took me to this performance.
I really enjoyed the performance by Meghan Hollopeter, which is who we went to see.
(The opening acts are the source of my angst.)
She has a powerful voice of which she has seemingly complete command; played with an adorable and unassuming band (not by herself!); and has cute little stubby fingers.
(Lately I've noticed that I have a thing for short fingernails on girls. And it goes beyond queer identification purposes.)
Not to mention the incredible tap dancing accompaniment of Michelle Deez which I really am not articulate enough to do justice to at the moment.
(Wow. I'm not feeling like proofreading this thing. Maybe I'm too lazy to keep up with the fast-paced world of blogging.)
p.s. I realize that much of the character bashing I've just done can easily be applied to bloggers, which takes me full circle. See top of page...
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9 comments:
sorry, i deleted my last comment because i felt like i needed to start a new paragraph where i hadn't. this is what i wanted to say:
i kinda think you maybe are just complaining about shitty-ness. i mean, in addtition to your list of acceptable singer songwriters, there are probably buckets of others.
but there are even bigger buckets of shitty rock bands than there are shitty singer songwriters (because there are probably more rock bands). and there are shitty punk bands. and probably really crappy attempts at orchestral music, or whatever you would call new classical. how can something be classical if it is new?
so, yes, down with shitty-ness!
agreed with the previous commentator- shitty music sucks across the board.
but on the other hand, there's no accounting for taste, and what I find shitty you might find delightfully dissonant, and what you might find shitty I might find charmingly heartfelt. ad nauseum.
but as a general rule which applies specifically to you...I really trust your musical taste, so yeah, no worries.
on that note, I've been meaning to ask you: when I meet someone whose musical taste is a) different from my own and b) admirable, I always want to share the love. so will you make me a mix to expand my musical horizons? I'll reciprocate in kind, if you like.
we can discuss this at lunch today, perhaps. (aah, intersection of real life and internet life!)
Some additions to your list of solo artists who use band-like names:
Iron & Wine
Bright Eyes
Julie Ruin
Eminem (and a bunch of other hip-hop artists I suppose)
White Magic
Pink
Peaches
White Magic (I think)
i appreciate your hilarious commentary. there's nothing worse than someone trying to look cute and being really dumb and you just paid money to sit there and watch. I still need to write this massive bitch review of an opening band i saw for kimya dawson last year. i just have to find my notes because they were so specifically bad.
Folk fans are a sensitive lot, even moreso than their false idols. Keep up the good work!
Its not even just about Folk music of a particular culture. Folk music across the world sucks period. If you criticize it you are accused of being against that particular culture. Its taboo to question folk music. Its folk music in general, look at how folk music from Punjab killed British Bhangra.
All folk is about bashing cityfolks/citylife while talking about tractor/cows/horse manure stuff. no compositions, no music. It just suckssssss harrrd
You sound like the typical frustrated dj with no musical talent yourself. You need to tear down the artists and their music in general because no one can meet your arrogant ego-centric standards. You are a pathetic little nobody who will never be creative yourself. You find just an elite few that you will deign to be artists in your sad little world. You wouldn't know talent if if hit you in the head. There are so many independent and extremely talented singer songwriters out there that you and your ilk will never air because of your snobby position as a dj that makes you think you are something special. You are not.. you are an idiot with zero tslent. the truth hurts?
I get kinda sick of hearing tragic love songs that glorify the doomed and unhealthy nature of your attraction. Especially when kids are like, 21.
If you don't want to sound like Beavis and Buthead, try and avoid expressions such as "kinda sick" and "like, 21".
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